Reminders

I am sitting in the Houston airport waiting on my flight back to Denver. I got here way too early and so I have some time to kill. I find myself reflecting on what my time at home was like. I was able to spend a weekend in College Station with some dear friends and then the whole week with my family in East Bernard.

The weekend in College Station was soo soo good. I'm not the greatest at keeping up with people (I don't like talking on the phone) and so I had alot to catch up on with my old college friends. I have changed quite a bit since graduating from college and am still in the midst of some of that change. Quite honestly, I've lost some of the passion for God and the Bible that I used to have in college. I've let other things dominate my thinking and have slowly become more self-absorbed. This is why it was so good to see my old friends. They reminded me of what I used to be like. They reminded me of what it is like to serve my God. They reminded me of what Godly marriages look like. They reminded me of the importance of prayer in my life. God knew I needed to be reminded.

When I left College Station and went to East Bernard, I felt spiritually refreshed. The first night I was home I dug out all my old journals from junior high, high school and college and began reading through them. I must say, the ones from junior high were quite entertaining. Every single entry was about one boy or another and how in love with him I was! I got quite a kick out of reading about it. It was so cool to read through all my journals and see how my faith matured over time. Alot of the same struggles reappeared in the journals, but each time I had more wisdom to handle them.

Reading through all those journals reminded me of the journey God has taken me on to get me to where I am now. It made me so thankful that God used my failures and triumphs to bring me to this point. My journey is not over and I am still journaling. I'm sure in the future I'll read back through the journal I am in now and be reminded of God faithfullness again. That is what I love about journals. They remind you of where you have been and where God is taking you.

Giving Thanks

In light of Thanksgiving, I though I'd list some of the things I am thankful for.

a wonderful loving family
getting to pursue my passion for counseling
having grown up in East Bernard and getting to come back for visits
the rice farm
hearing stories about my family's history
chooclate
living in Colorado
skiing
an amazing group of friends from college and seminary
reconnecting with old friends from high school
reading through all my old journals from JH and HS and being able to laugh at myself
my health
my job
God's faithfulness and protection
good Mexican food
my mom's amazing pumpkin rolls
coffee
fireplaces

Of course I could list many more things, but that will do for now :)

The Goodness of the Lord

Last night I was brought to tears for about the 500th time this year in response to the goodness of the Lord. I was at Expressions Night, a worship event at the seminary, and God led me to Psalm 27. Everything thing in this psalm spoke exactly to what I have been struggling with. I read it over and over again and each time was struck with how faithful my God is. I will share with you verses 7-14, the ones that really stood out to me.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
The LORD will recieve me.
Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
beacause of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up agains me,
breathing out violence.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

These are such powerful and beautiful words. I was struck by the line "I will see the goodness of the LORD." Those words especially brought me to tears because I HAVE seen the goodness of the Lord and yet I constantly forget that He is good.

Basically the whole night and all these verses came down to one word I heard from the Lord: TRUST. I will trust in Him. He will never abandon me.

Lessons

I have been sitting on my couch staring at this blank screen with the cursor blinking for about 5 mintues now. I have been thinking about what exactly I want to write about. Usually I like to write about what I am learning, whether that be spiritually or academically. As I sit here and reflect on what God is teaching me right now, I am a bit stuck.

I know God is teaching me something, but I'm just not sure exactly what yet. Trust is one thing I know he is trying to teach me. Such a basic lesson, but one I have had to learn over and over again. I guess it's not that I don't know exactly what God is teaching me, but it's the sheer amount of what he is teaching me that has my head spinning. I feel like God has shown me so much about him and myself since I started seminary that it is really hard to sit down and process it all.

Currently I am in the midst of learning some hard things...things I've learned before but am having to relearn again. For some reason it usually takes me a few times before a lesson really sinks in. I am very much an experiencial learner. I am learning that the things I think I want most in life do not satisfy unless they are in line with his perfect will for me. The things I think I want/need/deserve just do not measure up for what God has for me. I don't know exactly what God has for me, but I have to trust that it is better than what I want for me. I have strived and strived for the things I want and they haven't satisfied, so I can only hope that what He has for me will satisfy.

In the midst of learning all of this in the past year, the one theme that has reappeared over and over is God's amazing faithfulness and his undeserved love for me. I have screwed up so many times. I have been broken multiple times. Every time I come to him crying and weary and every single time he recives me with open arms. Just this week I was moved to tears by his faithfulness and love for me. I don't know why I continue to be surprised by his faithfulness. That is who God is. It is part of his nature. He will never forsake me or abandon me.

As I am reflecting on all of this I have realized that I am only about 6 weeks away from finishing my first year of seminary. This year has been the MOST difficult year of my life spiritually, emotionally, and academically. There has been much joy, but also much pain. I've been faced with issues from my past and at the same time had to deal with issues in the present. I've had to focus on my future as I try to figure out this whole counseling thing and what that is going to look like for me. It is just a whole lot to deal with at one time...but God is so good...and in the midst of of all this joy and pain He has been there all along.

As I think more about my future and all the uncertainties it holds, I am comforted by the simple fact that the one thing I do know is that God is good...and He is there...and He loves me.