Impact

Today has been an emotionally exhausting day...mainly because I have been analyzing my life all day (for a paper...so its ok). I am writing self-reflective paper for my Human Development and Counseling Theories class. Twenty-five pages all about me and my problems...basically. Looking into my past and evaluating why I have turned out how I am now is emotionally exhausting. I like it though. When I am finished with this paper I will be one step closer to figuring myself out.

Another reason this day was emotional is becuase I went to The Crossing this evening for a going away party for myself and a few others that are leaving. I interned/worked at The Crossing for almost a year and really grew to love the people there, especially the kids. I officially stopped working there about 3 or 4 weeks ago and tonight was my first time back since then. All the kids ran up to me and hugged me as if I had never been gone. It melted my heart.

I love the innocence of a child. They have such a huge capacity to love. Most of these kids have been through more in their 5 or 6 years than I have in my whole life, yet they still are able to love. Several of the kids ran up to me and wanted me to hold them. I love holding children. As I was holding one little girl she was playing with my hair and tracing her fingers along my face. She was absolutely beautiful. While I was holding her, Joe, my old boss prayed aloud for those of us who were leaving. She laid her head on my shoulder as we prayed. I will never forget that moment.

Tonight I was also reminded of how much of an impact the smallest gesture or conversation can make. You may not realize it at the time, but it's there. I know being in ministry is hard, especially when you don't see the fruits of your labor. Be encouraged- you are making an impact. As part of the going away party, people had an opportunity to get up and saying a few words about those of us who were leaving. As I listened to people speak I was struck by how thankful and appreciative everyone was of us. Some of the smallest things we did made a huge impression. For these people, just taking the time to listen, really listen, was huge. It was encouraging and uplifting to hear people share their thoughts.

Is there someone in your life who has left an impression? Maybe it was a piece of advice they gave, or a shoulder to cry on, or just someone who took the time to care. I would encourage you to let that person know how you appreciate them. Call, write a letter, email...whatever. My personal favorite is writing letters. About 6 months ago I was thinking about a few people from Pine Cove, a summer camp I worked at in college, had really impacted me. I knew that these peole had no idea how much they affected me. I thought it would be encouraging for them to hear what I learned from them. I hadn't spoken to any of them in over a year, but that didn't really matter. I wrote them letters thanking them and explaining what a blessing they had been in my life. It was so cool to be able to do that. I think I probably enjoyed writing the letters more than they enjoyed getting them.

I could write much much more about all of this, but this has gotten long enough so I will stop now. I'd love to hear any thoughts yall have on all of this.

Change

I just went on a walk down by the South Platte River. I needed to take a break from the library and spend some time with God. As I was walking I asked God to teach me something through his creation. I think if we take time to notice the beauty and magnificence of what He made, we can learn alot about our Creator.

Immediately after I asked God this, I noticed how much wider and faster the river was since I had taken my last walk, a little over a week ago. I passed by the dam that I used to walk out on and sit. Well, that would have been impossible this time unless I wanted to go for a swim.

It struck me how fast things change. Only a couple of weeks ago I was able to walk out on that dam. Then I started noticing all the other changes going on in nature. Everything is so much greener and the trees are starting to bloom. Even the sounds were different. The river was louder. I could hear frogs and locusts. So many things had changed within just a few weeks.

I started thinking about how many changes I have experienced in my life over the past year. There have been quite a few. I graduated from college, experienced the death of a friend, said goodbye to everyone I knew and moved to Denver where I knew nobody, made new friends with the summer interns, said goodbye to them, got my first real job, started seminary, quit my first real job...and those are just the highlights. I won't even go into all the smaller changes that have happened.

Looking back on all these changes, I can see God at work in each one of them. He used those changes to move me forward, closer to where He wants me. Some of these changes were wanted, and others were unwanted. Regardless, God used them. I have come to believe that change is a healthy thing. Change can bring amount tremendous amounts of personal growth. I know it has in my case. I now try to embrace change. I like to shake things up and try new things. It makes life way more exciting.

I think resisting change can be damaging in the long run. You will miss out on alot if you refuse to change. Clinging to things in your past makes it really hard to move forward. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Actually, I am still learning that.

Change can come suddenly, gradually, expected, or unexpected. However things change in my life, I choose to learn from them. I have no idea what other changes God has in store for me, but I am excited to find out.

Laughter

I LOVE to laugh. I love when I laugh so hard that my stomach hurts. Its a great ab workout. I also love to try to make others laugh. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I used to not think I was funny (well I secretly did, but I didn't think anybody else did). This semester I have discovered that I actually am very funny when I want to be...and others seem to agree. This is just another piece to my whole identity discovery journey thing.

How often do you find yourself laughing? I hope the answer is alot. You just can't take life too seriously. I mean, of course there are times when laughter is not appropriate, but you know what I mean.

Laughter is one of my favorite sounds. There are sooo many kinds. I have several different laughs. My friends can attest to this. I have that one squeaky one, and unfortunately the snorting laugh. That just makes me laugh even more. Laughter is so contagious and so pure. It comes from deep inside and is a wonderful expression of joy. I think God loves to see us laugh. I bet he is laughing along with us. I like to imagine that God has a sense of humor and laughs alot.

So..try to make someone laugh today. I sure will.

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." - E.E. Cummings

Balance

I had a great weekend. There were many things that made it great, one of them being playing fish bowl two nights in a row. If you would like to learn how to play this game, please ask me. You won't be sorry.

Anyway, fish bowl isn't what this post is about. It is about balance. Balancing the emotional, spiritual, physical, social and mental aspects of seminary has not been an easy task. This semester I have found myself going from one extreme to the other, only to find myself exhausted because I can't find balance. At first I was all about the social and academic parts of seminary. Anytime I got invited anywhere, I was there. I also was doing a great job of keeping up with all my schoolwork and even finishing things early (gosh that seems like a long time ago). While this was fine for a while, I found myself spiritually thirsty. So, I made a much bigger effort to spend more time with my maker. This helped...ALOT.

In the meantime, I was still busting my little booty to do all my schoolwork and do it well. I slowly but surely began to fall behind in the millions of pages of reading we are required to do. I remember one day in particular when I had a mini meltdown about all my schoolwork. The stress had gotten to me and I kind of wanted to just give up. I had no idea how I was supposed to get it all done. I changed my strategy to just working on one thing at a time. Instead of looking at what was due 3 weeks from now, I was just looking at the upcoming week. That helped alot.

With 3 weeks left to go and 3 major projects/papers and a final left to go, I find myself strangely calm. I have realized that it is just not worth the stress. I somehow seem to always get everything done, so why worry about it? I may not give 100% effort on every assignment, and I am ok with that. I want to be sane when I graduate. I focus on the assingments that I believe will be most beneficial to my future couseling career. I have come one step closer in learning this whole balancing act.

Back to the beginning of this post...the whole reason my weekend was great is because it was balanced. I did some schoolwork, did alot of hanging out with great friends and spent some great alone time with God. Past weekends have been filled with allllll schoolwork. That is lame. I am not lame anymore....hopefully. I know I will continue to teeter and totter on this balance beam that is seminary, but hopefully I will fall off less and less.

Of course I can't take credit for learning all of this. God has shown me all of this and I trust that he will continue to help me find balance in my life. He has been a great teacher so far and I have no reason to doubt him!

Welcome!

Hello!

Those of you who have known me long enough know that I have tried blogs in the past, but I never seem to be able to keep up with them. Well, here I go again. I love to share with people what is going on in my life and most importantly, what God is revealing to me. In the past I've had funny blogs and serious blogs and totally random blogs. I have no idea what this one will be....probably a bit of everything.



I titled this blog "freedom" (notice the quotes all you fellow BI classmates!) because that seems to be what God has been teaching me this semester...how to be free. He has also be showing me how to find the beauty in each and every moment. It's there...sometimes you just have to open your eyes. Instead of wondering what my life is going to be like in 2 years, I am choosing to enjoy exactly where my life is now. I am learning to meet people where they are and not where I think they should be or would like them to be. Afterall, who am I to judge that anyway? I have learned to accept people as they are, and most importantly, to accept myself as I am. That is where the freedom is. I can't say that I have figured this out all by myself...not even close.



God has surrounded me with people that have taught me these things. I can tell when people feel free. There is nothing more refreshing. Seeing others comfortable in their own skin helped me to be comfortable in mine. Letting people see the real me has never come very easy for me. I thought that the real me was somehow never enough. My eyes have been opened to that lie. I have never felt more alive than I have these past couple of months. There are alot of variables that have gone into that, but I know the biggest one has been this whole freedom thing.



Getting to this point has had its ups and downs...and I know there are more ups and downs to come, but I am ready. I've never felt so ready. God is working and that is exciting. I think this picture is a great representation of my past 3 months.