Loving People

Relationships are important to me. I crave good, deep and strong relationships with people. I feel that God is urging me to really invest in the relationships around me. Last year I did a very poor job of that. I much more more focused on myself than on others. I am afraid that some people got hurt in this process. Well...no more...

God has renewed a passion in me to care for and love my friends, especially the ones I failed to care for over the last year. I feel like God is filling me up so that I may pour into others. I feel most satisfied and joyful after I have spent quality time investing in someone's life. I want to make a point to be more intentional with the time God gives me with my friends. Of course not every moment spent with them needs to be loaded with serious conversation. I value the fun and crazy times as well.

God has also renewed in me the desire to pray. Last year my prayer life was sorely lacking. God has brought me back to a point where I enjoy and value prayer in my life. I know of a couple of people who regularly pray for me and I am so grateful for that. I know it has made a difference in my life.

All in all, I can feel God moving in my life in a big way. Already in this new year He has brought me so much healing. I sense He is moving me into a new season that I am very excited about. I haven't been this excited about God in awhile. It feels amazing. I start my 3rd semester of seminary in less than a week. I am ready. I am so blessed to be able to be pursing my calling and passion for counseling. This semester will take me one step closer that that. :)

2010!!!

In case you haven't noticed, it is 2010. Wow. How time flies. I love the beginning of a new year. It is a time of reflection on the past year and expectation for the coming year. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on 2009 lately.

This time last year I was moving from Denver to Littleton and getting ready to start seminary. That seems like 10 years ago, not just one. I remember I was so expectant and excited to see what seminary was going to be like. I was nervous about making friends and my classes. Well, almost right away I had a wonderful group of friends. I LOVED my classes.

Throughout the year I experienced a lot of pain related to my past and to my present. As I dove into the counseling program, I was forced to take a closer look at myself. As I formed close relationships, I made myself vulnerable to getting hurt. One thing seemed to pile on another and I found myself sinking. I was broken and hurting, yet in the midst of it all I was learning.

During the summer I hit a low. June was the worst month of the year for me. From there, God began healing me. I hit more ups and downs, but could sense that God was working. This past semester absolutely flew by for me. I still can't believe it is over. I did a lot of reflecting on the changes that had happened in me since I started seminary. I thought about what changes I liked and what changes I didn't like. I began to understand exactly where I was in the midst of all the changes.

2009 came to an end and now 2010 is year. I am hopeful. I am expectant. I think it will be a much different year than 2009 was. I am starting fresh. I am ready to see what God has in store for me. Stay tuned to find out :)

Ready or Not

In 2 days my second semester of seminary will start. In some ways I am ready and in some ways I am definitely not. I'm ready to get back into a routine and start learning again. I'm ready for the hustle and bustle of campus and seeing my friends everyday. I'm ready for that kind of change.

There are other changes I am not ready for. The past two weeks or so I have figured some things out about myself that probably need to start changing. I'm not sure I'm ready to change though. It will be hard and it won't be fun at points, but in the end I think it will make alot of things better. I know God will help me make these changes and it will all be worth it. I guess I just have to get ready...

The Big Picture

It is so easy to get caught up in the smaller details of life that you lose sight of the big picture. Yesterday I was reminded of what my big picture is. I am in an online Old Testament class right now and I was watching a video lecture by Dr. Carol. He was lecturing about Jeremiah. There were a couple of parts that really caught my attention. He was talking about Jeremiah's calling in chapter 1 and stressed the importance of the call to ministry. You must be called. The next part that really made my heart start pounding was when he talked about Jeremiah 20:7-9. Jeremiah is complaining about the hardships he has been through, but then says he can't help but speak God's name because "his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." Dr. Carol asked how many of us feel that fire. That question struck me.

Honestly, right now I don't feel that fire. I have in the past and I hope to once again in the future, but currently it is not really there. I can feel it slowly trying to start again. Little things over the past couple of weeks have reminded me about that fire. In the past month I've come to realize that the past 8 months of my life have been very self-focused. I've focused on my problems and issues that have arisen that needed to be dealt with. I still need to continue dealing with them, but I also want to start focusing on others as well. Being completely self-focused is absolutely draining. I can see now that the fire starting going out when I started being self-focused instead of others-focused.

I have been caught up in the smaller details of my life and for a while lost sight of why I was even in seminary. That lecture reminded me. I was called here to study Biblical counseling. I am confident of my calling and I need to remind myself that God has a purpose in that. He also has a purpose in all the little details going on in my life. Those little details help make up the big picture. The are not insignificant by any means, but they also should not overshadow my calling.

This morning as I was praying I asked God what he wanted of me. "Be patient" was the answer I recieved. I'm not sure exactly what I am supposed to be patient for, but I have some ideas. I have really been craving change lately. I kind of feel like I am stuck and that things need to be shaken up in order for me to move forward. Maybe that change will come and maybe it won't. Maybe it will be completely different from what I am expecting. Maybe something I've felt all along God might be telling me is actually coming, but I must be patient.

So, while I am waiting for change I will be patient. While I am waiting for change I will keep the big picture in mind.

Change

I just went on a walk down by the South Platte River. I needed to take a break from the library and spend some time with God. As I was walking I asked God to teach me something through his creation. I think if we take time to notice the beauty and magnificence of what He made, we can learn alot about our Creator.

Immediately after I asked God this, I noticed how much wider and faster the river was since I had taken my last walk, a little over a week ago. I passed by the dam that I used to walk out on and sit. Well, that would have been impossible this time unless I wanted to go for a swim.

It struck me how fast things change. Only a couple of weeks ago I was able to walk out on that dam. Then I started noticing all the other changes going on in nature. Everything is so much greener and the trees are starting to bloom. Even the sounds were different. The river was louder. I could hear frogs and locusts. So many things had changed within just a few weeks.

I started thinking about how many changes I have experienced in my life over the past year. There have been quite a few. I graduated from college, experienced the death of a friend, said goodbye to everyone I knew and moved to Denver where I knew nobody, made new friends with the summer interns, said goodbye to them, got my first real job, started seminary, quit my first real job...and those are just the highlights. I won't even go into all the smaller changes that have happened.

Looking back on all these changes, I can see God at work in each one of them. He used those changes to move me forward, closer to where He wants me. Some of these changes were wanted, and others were unwanted. Regardless, God used them. I have come to believe that change is a healthy thing. Change can bring amount tremendous amounts of personal growth. I know it has in my case. I now try to embrace change. I like to shake things up and try new things. It makes life way more exciting.

I think resisting change can be damaging in the long run. You will miss out on alot if you refuse to change. Clinging to things in your past makes it really hard to move forward. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Actually, I am still learning that.

Change can come suddenly, gradually, expected, or unexpected. However things change in my life, I choose to learn from them. I have no idea what other changes God has in store for me, but I am excited to find out.