I don't know

I don't know what is going on in my life. I think God has been trying to get my attention. Well, he has it.

I sprained my ankle last night jumping on a trampoline. I've had sprains before, but never this bad. All I can do is sit. I can't even walk without crutches. Sitting alone in my apartment all day makes for some good alone time with God, yet I find myself trying to come up with distractions. I want something to occupy my mind so that I don't have to think about myself anymore. I am so tired of that. I am tired of thinking about what is wrong with me and why I am hurting and why I am running away. I just want to sit and be. I just want to be ok with where I am, but I'm not.

This has been a rough week for me. Running is my outlet. It is what I do when I don't know what to do. I just go run. Well, that is no longer an option for me. Now I have to sit. Maybe this is right where God wants me...sitting still before him. That is hard for me. I sense that he wants to show me or teach me something. Sitting still forces me to think and even feel. I have become very good at blocking emotions lately. I used to be horrible at that, but now I can convince myself that I am fine even when I am not. Maybe it is time for me to feel. I have to let go of some things...things I have been holding on to for much too long. These things from my past have just been weighing me down.

It is time to turn the page.